Attention Target Shoppers...

“Attention all Target shoppers, Kim Berry is indeed not pregnant. She has once again accidentally strolled into the maternity section and has not yet realized her mistake.”

Ok, so I have this problem. I shop in the maternity section. I don’t mean to, it just happens. I do most of my maternity shopping at Target because there is no definitive transition from normal apparel to maternity apparel. One minute you’re looking at a Mossimo tank, then you stroll past the Merona pants, then whoops, you’re prego. I have this minor freak-out when I realize I’ve wandered from the appropriate zone. I have visions that everyone I know is huddled in the corner of the nearby fitness apparel section, all throwing out names as to who the father might be. (I just pictured that scene in my head as I was typing and I can’t stop laughing. Nine of you are standing behind the Champion sports bra display staring blankly at each other in total silence. No names, no one can think of a single name to throw out there.) Target should have more maternity signs, or maybe even a little plastic chain divider thing with a sign, “Stop, evaluate, ask yourself if you are pregnant, if not, don’t shop in this section.” Maybe that’s a little wordy, but you get the idea. Anyway, as soon as I realize my mistake, as nonchalantly as possible, I mosey on to the shoes and continue the usual Target circuit. The circuit always ends with me buying the Tear and Share size M&M bag. King-Sized is called Tear and Share these days so you don’t have to feel like such a fatty eating them. Instead you can just say, “I didn’t feel like sharing.”