Turkey Worship

I was a pilgrim when I was 7. I have a picture. I wore a white apron-type thing made from butcher paper and a cool hat. My friends were Indians. They ran around school shouting, “Hiyahyayhiya” and attacked people. It was fun. Since dressing as an attack Indian or a religious zealot is totally not PC anymore, it's nearly impossible to dress up elementary kids for Thanksgiving. So, we decided to be turkeys. I love my students, partially because they are so willing to be goofy. Nothing could’ve persuaded them that their outfits were ridiculous and should not be worn in public. They wore them in the hallways, to the bathroom, to the library and even to lunch. I realized about half-way through chapel that 12 of my students were in full turkey attire singing praise and worship. I couldn't help but laugh. Yep, I was that teacher, and they were those kids, and I loved it.

I'm pretty much Michael Phelps

Foreign men in Speedos are teaching me to swim. I know how to swim, and I’m quite speedy if I only need to swim 20 feet. I just never learned how to breathe while swimming. I always swim as far as I can while holding my breath, then I stop and doggie paddle until I can garner enough air to swim again. It only seems like a ridiculous strategy if I imagine doing that as a runner. I don’t hold my breath and run as far as I can, jog in place until I can breathe again, and repeat the process until I reach my destination. That is awkward and very not cool, but all my life I have allowed this madness in swimming…until now. Charged with great resolve and determination, I typed in “how to swim” on YouTube. That’s when the nice speedo-donning foreign folks began teaching me swim lessons.

Towards the end of a particularly successful day of swimming (I made it the length of the pool breathing properly,) I was thinking, “I’m pretty much Michael Phelps.” Moments later, exhausted and clinging to the edge of the pool, I remembered all the Olympic infomercials about how perfect Michael’s body is for swimming. I wondered if I had any of the same swim-body perfections. I did some research:

Apparently, Michael is 6’4” and has a 6’7” wingspan, size 14 feet, double-jointed knees and ankles, and disproportionately short legs.



I am 5’3” with a 5’3” wingspan, size 7 feet, and single-jointed knees and ankles. At first glance, that makes us sound significantly different, but let’s not forget the disproportionately short legs. I have a short whole body, which means less drag and a serious advantage against tall people. Combine that with 20 years of anaerobic swim training, and we’re talking serious potential.

See you in London Michael.

kimberrykim...an explanation

A friend once told me he thought it was weird that people call me Kim Berry. I thought it was weird that he thought it was weird, considering that is my name. He was pointing out that people say both my first and last name when they are referring to me. I’d never noticed. I guess it is a little strange, especially when there are no other Kims around to differentiate between. Other friends call me kimberrykim. At first I wondered why they were throwing another kim on my name, but ok, whatever. It didn’t occur to me until later they were calling me by my e-mail address.

When I got my first yahoo account, I wanted the perfect address, something fun and catchy. I tried various combinations of cutesy e-mail addresses that people would appreciate and remember easily; only to be told repeatedly that someone had already stolen that address. Meanwhile, the system suggested four boring arrangements of my own name no one had yet claimed. I tried for hours to think of the perfect address. I finally gave up, accepted my fate, and became kimberrykim. I obviously didn’t know at the time that I was renaming myself, otherwise I would’ve kept hotchick88 like I planned. Anyway, I’ve grown to appreciate kimberrykim. It’s one of those names that only my real friends call me.

It occurred to me recently that I could officially be kimberrykim forever if I marry a Korean guy with the last name Kim. So, I did some research. Evidently there are 6.67 billion people in the world, 60% of which are Asian. Yay! However, Korea makes up only 1.1% of the world’s population. Bummer. But, I was not discouraged because that’s still 72 million people. I started shifting from idealist to realist to pessimist when I began considering all the factors.
There are:

72 million Korean people, but…
24 million people live in North Korea. I will probably never meet them. But,
48 million people live in South Korea, but only…
24 million are male, and only…
4.3 million are between the ages of 26-36, but only…
516,000 are single, of which only about…
154,800 are Christian, and about…
32,000 have the last name Kim!

That’s awesome!! But consider this…only about….
12,000 appreciate The Office, of which only about…
8,500 are totally into 24, of which only about….
4,700 like playing stupid games with friends, of which only about….
2,500 like camping, of which only about…
540 like waterskiing, of which only about…
4 would be ok with eating green beans and cereal for dinner most nights.

My chances of officially being kimberrykim forever are about .000000000078%.

Anyway, I wanted a cool name for my blog. I tried some other stuff, but nothing seemed right. I still like kimberrykim...but you can call me hotchick88 if you want.