R.I.P. Albi

I’m not a huge fan of reptiles in general, but a massive flesh-eating 18 foot crocodile at the zoo is my preference to the tiny pink gecko in my living room. Please know that I had no intentions of killing the little guy. It was an accident.



I was in the driveway at midnight, as most people are, just as Trish arrived from work. We walked in the house and saw what appeared to be one of those rubbery plastic lizard things you buy at Dollar Tree. Trish even said, “Is that a fake lizard?” The question itself made me laugh, since we don’t typically have fake lizards lying around the house. However, this particular night we had a family with a young boy staying at our house, so it was possible. As we stooped close to investigate, the gecko dashed full-speed under the couch. Those little guys are fast, creepy fast. I feel like the translucent pink albino geckos are much faster than the green lizard sort. Anyway, given the option of catching the gecko and releasing him outside, or being attacked by the gecko while sleeping, we decided to catch him. Clearly, the best way to do this is with a Rudy’s cup. So Trish grabbed the couch and threw it across the living room as I chased the reptile and tried to trap him under the Rudy’s cup. The process took about 10 minutes; the Gecko darting to different shelters, Trish throwing couches, me running around with a Rudy’s cup. I tried to justify waking up the 8 year old boy in the back room and asking him catch the lizard, but then I thought it was probably poor form to wake up your houseguests at midnight to help remove reptiles from the living room. We eventually caught him. So then he was trapped under the cup, but what next? I sure wasn’t going to put my hand over the cup just to have him escape and run up my arm. Trish handed me a magazine to slide over the opening. This is where I’m afraid Albi lost his life. In an effort to keep pressure on the Rudy’s cup while sliding the magazine between the carpet and the cup, I think Albi may have gotten compacted. Thinking he was still alive, I tossed the magazine and the Rudy’s cup out the door. Albi did not dash to freedom as I’d hoped. Instead, he glided effortlessly to rest on the sidewalk below. Effortlessly, because he was dead as a hammer. I’m sorry this happened to him. Next time I will use better judgment and wake the 8 year old. I don’t hate geckos, but I am a little disturbed when their soft white underbellies are scampering across the kitchen window screen or across the living room floor. Dearest Albi, my apologies, please rest in peace.

Salmon and Chicken Jerky

I learned in elementary school that penicillin was discovered when Sir Alexander Fleming accidentally overcooked a bunny rabbit he shot while hunting. He analyzed microscopic charred bunny parts and discovered antibiotic healing agents that have revolutionized modern medicine. Please keep this in mind.

I overcook things. I do not overcook some things, I overcook most things. Like water. I recently decided to steam broccoli with one of those cool foldy metal vegetable steamer things that you put into a pot, then you fill the pot about a fourth full of water, then you let it boil and it steams the vegetables. Anyway, I forgot I was steaming broccoli and returned to the kitchen a couple TV shows later to find the kitchen full of black volcanic smoke. The water had vaporized and the Teflon coating was boiling and creating huge cancer clouds in the kitchen. I don’t even like broccoli. I was just eating it to be healthy.

I love salmon, but the odor while cooking dominates household airspace. In an effort to be considerate of my roommates, I have started grilling out. We have a real grill, but I’m a little jumpy around propane and fire. So I opt to simply unplug the George Forman and plug him in outside.

Typically George does a great job, and grilling out is a fine solution, but sometimes the lack of overwhelming salmon smell causes me to forget I am cooking. Hence, salmon jerky. I turn lots of things into jerky on the George Forman. I do not recommend this. The taste is less than desirable and the fat-grilling machine is notoriously hard to clean. When I have not charred anything, I find it easiest to stick the whole thing in the sink and scrub as though there are not really electrical components. However, when I char salmon on the mini outdoor grill, I have to let it cool before transporting it to the sink. This causes salmon oil and burnt chunks to harden on the grill. Since it’s much easier to get burnt chunks off the Teflon surface when the grill is hot, I then plug in the grill by the sink in the kitchen. Burnt salmon aroma begins filling the house, and I just apologize profusely to all my roommates. Total catch 22.

I almost always boil water over after adding noodles. Noodles are high-maintenance. I usually burn the last few pancakes of a mix and the last batch of cookies. By then, I am already eating and have lost interest in the stragglers. I burn grilled cheese sandwiches, but only on one side. I do not know what a sienna is, but I liked the burnt color as a kid.



Note: Upon further biomedical research (aka I asked Paul,) it was determined that penicillin was indeed not discovered by a man overcooking a bunny rabbit. The more I teach, the more I am convinced that elementary teachers sometimes make up stuff.

Friends and Rivers (Episode 2)

I love my Friends. I love Rivers. I love New Braunfels in the Summer. The first day of Summer, we loaded up the tubes and headed to the river. We threw the tubes in the truck, jumped in the river, floated for a couple hours, and walked back to the car. Then we headed to the local barbque joint and filled up on sweet tea and barbque turkey tacos. It was the perfect start to Summer. Then I went to Mexico.

There really is no way to fully capture the New Braunfels River floating experience. I will try in the next few days to paint a picture, but I will not do justice to the phenomenon called New Braunfels tubing. You just have to experience it for yourself. This is your invitation to visit. Anyway, Mexico was fun, but now I'm back. I look forward to sharing thoughts I have not had time to share in the past couple months. It's been a crazy season. :)