Monday, August 3, 2009

Thanks Lilly Perkins


Last week, I dropped an entire glass bottle of olive oil on the floor in the pantry. For some reason, as I gazed upon the massive oil spill, images of these guys entered my mind:
On March 24, 1989, 10 million gallons of crude oil were dumped into the sea when the Exxon Valdez rammed into something off the coast of Alaska. I remember feeling sorry for those little oily birds. Instead of reflecting on the random images in my mind and recalling the overwhelming ecological devastation to land and sea, my only thought was, “I’m glad I don’t have a dog.” It would’ve taken much longer to clean up olive oil if it would’ve fallen on a dog or a baby or something. Anyway, I googled how to clean up olive oil spills. I am consistently impressed with people like Nancy, Steve, or Carol, typically from the Northeast, that have taken the time to type answers to obscure cleaning questions. The general consensus was to soak up the oil with paper towels then scrub with hot soapy water. Lilly Perkins from New Hampshire suggested dumping oatmeal onto the spill, but I don’t have oatmeal. I could’ve used my roommate’s oatmeal, but I have been making a concerted effort not to eat other people’s food. We don’t share food at our house. We each buy our own groceries and cook our own meals. I, however, eat everyone else’s food when they are not home. I usually go grocery shopping on Sundays when I have great resolve to eat right and exercise, so I end up with fruit, vegetables, fish, and chicken. Then, by Friday of the following week, when I have fallen off the eat-right wagon, I am forced to borrow brownie mix and tortilla chips from my roommates. Recently, I have been on a Quaker Caramel Rice Cake rampage.
Trish had a huge bag, which I ate. So I replaced her huge bag and actually bought my own bag. Before she ever noticed, I had eaten my bag and her replacement bag and had to buy a replacement for the replacement. The madness only stopped because I had eaten so many caramel rice cakes that the roof of my mouth hurt, kinda like when you eat too much Captain Crunch cereal. Anyway, I didn’t dump Anna’s oatmeal all over the floor to clean up the olive oil. I used Trish’s paper towels instead. I felt a little bad because they were brand name (see photo.) I will replace them, but probably with TowelPro, or some other disintegrating non-quicker picker upper.

Oil spills are a bummer. I steal food. Two clearly connected thoughts.