Monday, November 16, 2009

Berry Smoothie Explosion

I like smoothies. Once a week, the living room at my house is the setting of an intense bible study attended by some of the most amazing people in New Braunfels. I do not attend. I watch tv in the back room and do other non-eternal stuff. I typically make every effort to be unheard and unseen while skipping bible study, but Thursday night I was desperate for a smoothie. Our house's open floor plan makes it nearly impossible to go undetected in search of food. I decided I could shield myself behind the refrigerator and half wall long enough to make a simple smoothie without being distracting. I crept stealth-like into the kitchen and began silently combining frozen berries, rice milk, yogurt, and a banana into the blender. I placed the lid on the blender and immediately realized the foolishness of my plan. Regardless of whether I hit liquefy, puree, chop, or blend, an earth-rattling sound was going to rip through the peaceful Bible study. Plan B. The back door. I could unplug the blender and transport the soon-to-be smoothie to the back porch and resume blending. Perfect. I went outside, plugged in the blender, and hit puree. The blender lurched into the air as metallic hammering sounds echoed through the neighborhood. I dove toward the outlet and ripped the cord from the wall. Clearly this must be one of those 220/110 electrical issues where small appliances explode when plugged in to the wrong outlet. Plan C. Patience. I decided to go back inside and wait until the study was over. A few seconds after the closing prayer, as I was still attempting to be relatively quiet, I plugged in the blender. The blender bolted to life and instantly resumed its violent metallic hammering. Out of nowhere, the lid flew off of the blender and a giant metal spoon launched into the air and landed with a great crash. The quaint, serene bible study group I was trying so desperately not to interrupt was now staring wide-eyed in my direction as smoothie dripped from the ceiling. Um, so apparently I left the yogurt scooping spoon inside the blender. Oops. I considered pretending nothing was amiss, ignoring their stares, and sauntering unapologetically back to my room. Instead I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. I had just blended a metal spoon. I finally controlled my laughter, poured the remaining smoothie in a glass, and returned to my room. As I was pondering the health concerns of swallowing shards of metal, I decided it would have been less disruptive if I had just streaked naked through their bible study. Oh well, the smoothie was good.