Say What?

The following are statements that recently made me laugh. There were more, but I can't remember them. Anyway...

“Mis, are you Irish?”
“Well, yes, was it my fair skin that made you think that?”
“No. Hairy arms. I saw your hairy arms.”
(5th grade Hispanic boy talking to the Sub…who is also my roommate.)

“So I had to go to the bathroom really bad, but I wanted to see the pumpkin carving demonstration, so I peed in my pants.”
(Robby…who is currently living on our couch…explaining why wet his pants in Kindergarten.)

“If the thought of kissing him makes you want to throw up, then he’s probably not the one.”
(One roommate giving dating advice to another roommate.)

“Mis, what is circumcision?”
“Uh, well, it’s uh, when uh, it’s….”
(My response to a 5th grader)

“Mis, what is circumcision?”
“Oh just some surgery baby boys have. Who wants to read next?”
(My response the next class period)

“Mis, what is circumcision?”
“You don’t wanna know man… you don’t wanna know.”
(6th grade boy blurting out his answer to his friend’s question)

“So Jezebel died when some people chunked her out of a window and she plummeted to her death.”
(I said that in class today)

The End.

I will explain.

Documents were recently declassified which detailed my involvement in a particular branch of the United States government. Until this time, I have not been allowed to speak freely about my time spent serving our country. I was part of an elite team created primarily for the purpose of extracting political prisoners from territories hostile to the American government. I was recruited as an 18 year old and left for training the summer after my senior year. Of the 5,000 females recruited, only 8 were eventually selected to train and serve on this team. We trained with the Navy Seals, Special Forces, and the Israeli Mossad. We had specialized training in hand-to-hand combat, advanced weaponry, and reconnaissance missions. We were non-military agents serving alongside both the American and Israeli military. Many times, our role was to spend several weeks living in a particular area, gathering information, and preparing the groundwork for prisoner extractions.
After 3 years, our team was compromised and held captive in an undisclosed country. Our escape and the events that followed have been the subject of international investigation for the past 9 years. During the process, my identity was eventually revealed and it became clear that my time as a special agent had come to an end. Details mentioned in the documents have caused concern among a number of family members and friends.

I am writing primarily for those of you who have known me for some time and have been made aware of this new information. I have heard some of you express that you feel somewhat betrayed, as though I’ve been lying to you for the entire duration of our friendship. I would like to assure you, the person you currently know as Kim Berry is who I am. Whatever you know about me is true, our friendship is real, and nothing that I have portrayed is a lie. I have, however, omitted any connection to my former service simply because, until now, it was classified information. As more documents are released, I will be free to discuss in more detail my involvement in various situations. Thank you for your understanding, and I look forward to answering your questions.

(I just wanted to explain why I miss exits on the freeway all the time. Sometimes I am a street kid who became an Olympic athlete, sometimes I save planes that are hijacked, but most the time I win Survivor and interview myself on talk shows.)

My Brothers

I don't have time to write, but I love this picture from Christmas. I think it's hilarious that all my brothers were willing to take this picture. It wasn't even my idea. It was so fun hanging out with everyone!