I'm pretty much Michael Phelps

Foreign men in Speedos are teaching me to swim. I know how to swim, and I’m quite speedy if I only need to swim 20 feet. I just never learned how to breathe while swimming. I always swim as far as I can while holding my breath, then I stop and doggie paddle until I can garner enough air to swim again. It only seems like a ridiculous strategy if I imagine doing that as a runner. I don’t hold my breath and run as far as I can, jog in place until I can breathe again, and repeat the process until I reach my destination. That is awkward and very not cool, but all my life I have allowed this madness in swimming…until now. Charged with great resolve and determination, I typed in “how to swim” on YouTube. That’s when the nice speedo-donning foreign folks began teaching me swim lessons.

Towards the end of a particularly successful day of swimming (I made it the length of the pool breathing properly,) I was thinking, “I’m pretty much Michael Phelps.” Moments later, exhausted and clinging to the edge of the pool, I remembered all the Olympic infomercials about how perfect Michael’s body is for swimming. I wondered if I had any of the same swim-body perfections. I did some research:

Apparently, Michael is 6’4” and has a 6’7” wingspan, size 14 feet, double-jointed knees and ankles, and disproportionately short legs.



I am 5’3” with a 5’3” wingspan, size 7 feet, and single-jointed knees and ankles. At first glance, that makes us sound significantly different, but let’s not forget the disproportionately short legs. I have a short whole body, which means less drag and a serious advantage against tall people. Combine that with 20 years of anaerobic swim training, and we’re talking serious potential.

See you in London Michael.